Copyright 1989 The New York Times Company
The New York Times
November 2, 1989, Thursday, Late Edition - Final
SECTION: Section C; Page 8, Column 3; Home Desk
LENGTH: 1080 words
HEADLINE: PARENT
& CHILD
BYLINE: By LAWRENCE KUTNER
BODY:
DAYS or even hours after their children are born, parents reach conclusions
about their
temperaments. They may describe their babies as fussy or easygoing, sensitive or curious.
For years, pediatricians and psychologists paid little attention to parents'
very early descriptions of their babies, chalking them up to wishful thinking
or naivete. Newborn infants were regarded as little more than a collection of
reflexes, primitive organisms that required time for their personalities to
develop in response to the environment.
But now researchers have discovered that parents were right all along. The
early patterns of crying, cooing, shyness, response to stimulation and perhaps
even the frequency of the kicks before a baby is born appear to offer parents
valuable informationabout the ways children will approach life as they grow
older.
''Temperament is the 'how' of behavior rather than the 'why' or the 'what,' ''
said Dr. Stanley Turecki, a child and family psychiatrist in Manhattan and
author of ''The Difficult Child'' (Bantam, 1989).
Although all babies become startled and cry, for example, some do so in many
situations and others in only a few. As they become older, the babies who were
easily upset often are shy or skittish; the more placid infants are more likely
to take new situations in stride.
''I don't think I've ever heard parents say that their child has changed
dramatically in temperament,'' said Dr. Tiffany M. Field, a psychologist and
professor of pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School.
''We've found that there's more similarity in temperament between identical
twins than between fraternal twins,'' she continued. ''This implies that a lot
of it is wired in at birth.''
The changes in temperament that do occur as an infant develops are usually
subtle and in response to the parents' temperaments, researchers have found.
Dr. Field's observations about the consistency of temperament are supported by
the New York Longitudinal Study, which followed the emotional and social
development of 133 children for 30 years starting with their births in the
mid-1950's.
That research found that while temperament appears to be well established at
birth, it is not immutable. Both parents and children tend to become more like
one
another in temperament over a period of years. The changes can be so small that
parents may not even notice them.
Dr. Stella Chess, a professor of child psychiatry at New York University
Medical Center and co-director of the study, said: ''In the years that
succeeded each other, the continuity was extremely high. But if you correlated
Year 1 with Year 5, for example, you began to see differences. There were a
series of gradual changes.''
In a child's development, at least as important as temperament is the match
between that temperament and those of the parents, other family members and
teachers, researchers say.
''It's not just a matter of parents being similar to or being the opposite of
their child,'' said Dr. Michael W. Yogman, an assistant professor of pediatrics
at Harvard Medical School. ''Some parents
who were shy as children and have overcome that problem have a lot of trouble
if their child is shy. Quiet, low-key parents who have an active, intense child
may find this hard to deal with as well.''
Culture and family structure also play large roles in determining whether a
child's temperament is likely to cause difficulties. For example, while
American parents encourage their children to be active and intense, Chinese
parents consider a placid temperament to be far more desirable, Dr. Yogman said.
Dr. Turecki described the hypothetical case of a very active 5-year-old tomboy
growing up on a farm in the United States with three older brothers, versus the
same type of girl who is an only child living with older parents in a small
city apartment and attending a highly
structured private school. ''While the first girl would fit right in, the
second girl would probably be labeled 'hyperactive' within a week,'' he said.
Such labeling, which is also sometimes a result of a poor fit between the
temperaments of teachers and the children they care for, ignores the wide range
of children's temperaments that can be very adaptive and successful. ''We must
remember that being different is not the same as being abnormal,'' Dr. Turecki
said. ''A person doesn't have to be average to be normal.''
If Temperaments Don't
Mesh
THERE are times when parents feel frustrated by the poor fit between their
children's temperaments and their own. Researchers and family therapists offer
these suggestions to help parents handle the stress of this kind of clash:
* Do not be surprised that your child is not like you. According to the New
York Longitudinal Study, which, among other things, measured the fit between
children's temperaments and those of their parents,
only about 50 percent had a spontaneously good fit. ''Another 25 percent or so
asked for some professional help adjusting to their child and were quickly able
to make things better,'' said Dr. Stella Chess, a child psychiatrist and
co-director of the study. ''The remaining 25 percent were unable to have a good
fit, but this didn't always result in behavior problems on the part of the
child.''
* Appreciate the special qualities of your child. ''Examine your feelings about
your child,'' suggested Dr. Robert L. Hendren, the director of the division of
child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of New Mexico at Albuquerque.
''Do you see your child as an extension of yourself who must, therefore, be
like you?''
* Be flexible about your children's behavior. In introducing them to new people
and situations, take into account their differences from you and from
each other. ''The style your parents used with you may not work with the
particular temperamental style that your own children have,'' Dr. Hendren said.
* Do not take the child's temperament as a reflection on something you have
done or on you as a person. ''Once a parent feels victimized, there's
trouble,'' Dr. Chess said.
* Get outside help with child care, even if only for an hour or two each day,
if you think things are getting out of hand or it seems your child is out to
get you.
''You need somebody to spell you who doesn't have the same emotional
investment,'' advised Dr. Tiffany M. Field, a professor of pediatrics at the
University of Miami Medical School. ''Otherwise, the conflict just escalates.''
LANGUAGE: ENGLISH
